Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
