WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
