Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
