yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
