Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
