our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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