She announced her abortion via fbk
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
