i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Randomize
