Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There's always time for handjobs
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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