Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
