I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
