I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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