I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
