Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
