Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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