Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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