he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
