Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
