im about as happy as oj after his trial
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
