u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
