My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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