It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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