I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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