If that was your dad, he is hot
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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