Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
