i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
