How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
