I think im going to throw up on grandma
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
