we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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