I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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