I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
