Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
