I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Randomize
