I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
