dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
