Plan B is the new Plan A
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
