I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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