the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
