I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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