Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
