was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
