just survived the first fart of the relationship.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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