the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
