i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
