Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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