You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
