Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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