Sponge bath it is.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
