Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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