My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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