Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
