I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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