I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I love having hate sex.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
