When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
