am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
