A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
