her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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