so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
