Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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