It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
only you would photoshop your dick
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
