I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I understand Curling. That high.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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