I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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